A Little Note

This note was on Grandma's kitchen table one morning this week. The night before, mom and I had the children with us when we went to tuck grandma into bed. Tyson thought it was so great to help her with this. He smiled and squealed with delight. After we kissed her and turned off the light, mom and I had to do a few things in her house (getting her medicine ready for the morning, setting the night lights etc.). Meanwhile, Tyson ran back into Grandma's room several times to hug her and say "night night, ov oo"! She woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it and wrote this note. I find it to be special for many reasons:

It is special because, even in her pain, she sees joy. She loves my babies so much and is absolutely thrilled when they come to her house. I can't even explain the joy I feel seeing her hold them. Even though it sounds strange, I can remember being a young girl and worrying about if grandma would get to meet my children one day. This past fall when we learned of her diagnosis, as I was carrying our baby girl, I again worried about this. Today, when I see her holding sweet Baby Juel, her namesake, smiling and calling her a "little doll," my heart nearly bursts with happiness. I did not plan to have a baby just 20 months after my first. However, everything happens for a reason. God sent this sweet baby girl into our lives at the perfect time and I am forever thankful. This little note was a reminder of that. So, even in her pain, she teaches us to see joy and reminds me of God's perfect plans.

It is special because, even in her pain, she thinks of others. She noted the pain she was having because "if something happened to me I wanted ya'll to know what was wrong." She often tries to hide how she feels for her childrens sake. When people visit her, she tries to entertain them. She has always been a 'giver' and still is. Tyson has a little basket of toys at her house. It had a little nerf gun that was broken. Everytime he would get it out, she would sadly say 'its broke, grandmamma will have to get you another one next time I go out'. Because she really does not 'go out' anymore we bought one for her to give him. It delighted both of them. With our help she continues to send cards and when children visit she still gives them a dollar. She loves to make others happy. This little note was a reminder of that. So, even in her pain, she teaches us to think about others.

It is special because, even in her pain, she has hope. She told us she wrote the note because she wanted to remember to tell everybody about Tyson being so sweet. And, so that they would know what to tell doctors if they needed to help her in the morning. She often talks about 'when I am better' and things she plans to do. The other day she was cute talking about what Baby Juel would look like in two years. It was sweet to imagine her picturing her it her mind. I am happy that she is so optimistic (she always has been), but I also know that she is not going to get better. So it feels conflicting. Other times she tells us she is ready to go. She tells people that she feels honored that the baby has her name so it will 'carry on after I'm gone'. She knows she will go to heaven and that we will cherish her memory. She is hopeful. This little note was a reminder of that. So, even in her pain, she teaches us to have hope.

Just like in this little note, she has always been my teacher. I did not go to preschool, I went to her kitchen table, where she taught me far more! We did science experiments with baking soda and vinegar, watched colors blend in a jar of water with drops of food coloring, learned about motion with a button on a string, and played instruments with a comb and waxed paper. She taught me the letters and sounds on a little Farm Bureau tablet. We practiced counting rocks and fishing worms and learned animal sounds on a see-n-say. It was preschool at its finest! When asked as a teacher who was my inspiration, it was certainly her. She does not hold a college degree, teaching license or national board certification, however, she is the best teacher I have ever known! So, just like this little note, I will continue to learn from her and will treasure the lessons in my heart forever!