This year I have gone back to teaching full-time. My job sharing buddy Jessica is having another baby boy in October and she decided to stay at home. I am honestly happy for her...but SAD for me! Job sharing was the best experience. I love teaching, so it let me share my passion with my students while I also spent precious time with my own children. It cut the paperwork, meetings, conferences, trainings etc in half. It allowed me to take my children to the library and doctors appointments and I had time to just take walks and do projects like print pictures and blog. I have really struggled this year. I miss my children so much. I am not my best at teaching because I am just sad. Teaching is not the same as it was when I began ten years ago and it overwhelms me. I have to drag sleepy children out of bed and sometimes Tyson clings to my leg and begs me to stay home. When I get home they are both fussy (its just the time of day) and want my full attention. I just need to pee! Tyson spends a lot of time in "time out". I hate that! I only see him for a few waking hours, but I have to enforce good behavior. I figure out supper, sometimes we take a walk. I go to bed at 8:00. I cry. At the same time I feel so very blessed. I have a job, many people do not. I have a great family, nice home, food to eat, healthy children and the list could continue. There are so many people in worse conditions than me. These conflicting feelings make me feel so guilty. Thus creating more feelings of depression! This blog is usually full of the happy things in our lives, but to keep it real...I am having a hard time! Please don't think I am a bad and selfish person. I know God has a plan for me. Please pray for me. Pray that I will choose joy and follow His plan.
